The Pastries of Estratto: A Definitive Ranking

Written by Freya Cumberlidge

First, a disclaimer: I pitched and began writing this article before Estratto overhauled their pastry menu, and whilst a good journalist might go back and start again from scratch, they aren’t also writing Ph.D. proposals. Instead what we have here is something akin to football Twitter’s ‘Best Starting 11 of the 2010s’ format; acknowledging former greatness whilst leaving space for fresh new talent.

We begin first by defining our inclusion and exclusion criteria. No pre-packaged options or cake from the fridge (no one has ever had cake from the fridge, it’s never happened). Items must be available on the glass top if they are to be considered within the remit of this review. If I forget anything this is the fault of the pastry itself, if it is not memorable enough for me to recall, it is not worth your time.

Sadly, as with all rankings, something must come last and the unfortunate candidate here is the poppy seed slide. Poppy seeds in cakes, I have learnt during Hungary, are my enemy number one. Eating a poppy seed slice is like chewing through grit, it is not fun and anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves in the name of appearing cultured. In a similar vein, the lemon and poppy seed cake brick swiftly follows. Neither it nor its companion beneath the dome, banana bread, score highly here. Lemon and poppy seed because it combines my two least favourite dessert flavours, and banana bread because I want it to be good, but it just isn’t.

The final bottom tier item is the newly added wholemeal croissant. If I’m eating pastry, I know it’s not good for me, don’t try and fob me off with wholemeal. Why take something good and make it bad? Down with wholemeal pastry.

Having established the items to actively avoid, we now hit the nondescript end of pastry provision. I have no strong feelings on these items. I wouldn’t choose them, but if you gave them to me, I wouldn’t say no. This category primarily encompasses the mid-tier biscuit options, think Linzer hearts, Stroopwafel, things like that. They’re fine aren’t they? You might order one if they’d run out of chocolate croissants, but they were never your first choice.

We’ve now sorted the wheat from the chaff and the business of true ranking can begin. Whilst I know my opinions to be entirely objective and the indisputable truth, I have been convinced to make certain exceptions. I do not rate either the chocolate croissant or the chocolate swirl because patisserie chocolate is bitter and mean, taking the joy from the concept of chocolate. Other (wronger) people around me have said that I am being childish, that chocolate is a rich and complex flavour which I should learn to appreciate. I will not. However, in respect of their opinions, I am placing both chocolate options here because I recognise the subtleties of flavour appreciation. For those saying I should extend the same courtesy to poppy seeds I say ‘no’ – poppy seeds are trash and unworthy of the same recognition.

Here we have a connected but separate grouping: the muffins. The blueberry muffin could perhaps have been placed in the non-descript tier, but it’s there for you in an hour of pastry need in a way that a Stroopwafel just can’t be. The blueberry muffin is okay, but as with other pastries, you’re ordering it because they’re out of chocolate muffins. I know I trashed chocolate in pastry the last paragraph, but the muffin is different. Chocolate muffins are not patisserie chocolate but instead good, honest, chocolate. Nothing wrong with that. When the fancy takes me I’ll grab a chocolate muffin, I like them, they’re nice.

Now comes the turn of the filled savoury croissants. I’ve only ever had the spinach and cream cheese one, and whilst I acknowledge it is on the salty end, excessive salt consumption will be what kills me, so it’s right up my alley. I think the other savoury croissant has ham in it so I’ve not had it but I assume there is equality among croissants and so it can ride on the coattails of spinach’s success. Congrats to you, possibly-meat-filled croissant.

Once again, however, I will instantly contradict myself. The plain croissant outstrips the savoury ones and its (far worse) chocolate compatriot. The plain croissant from Estratto is a thing of simple beauty. It’s rich, it’s buttery, it’s golden, it’s everything you want from a croissant at an approachable price point. If I’m running late and need some breakfast, I’ll get that croissant. That croissant will never let me down. Budapest is currently locked in a war of croissants (Alma Nomad vs Freyja) but there’s a lot to be said for the simple joys of Estratto’s, it’s no-nonsense and gets the job done. A fine example of a pastry.

Here, in our penultimate spot we have something which comes, even to me, the writer of this list, as something of a curveball. It is those unnamed cheese swirl things. They’re like artisan burek perhaps, but no one truly knows. The point is that they are delicious because they are filled with butter and cheese and tastiness. I would say I only order one once a term at most (hence my surprise they have scored so highly) but when I do, I am never disappointed. These things are indulgent and decadent and delicious. No one knows what is in them, if they are all the same, or come in multiple different flavours, what we do all know, however, is that they’re great. Long live the cheesey swirl things, may your ability to resist categorisation, labelling or identification fare you well.

Finally, we have a winner. For me, the choice was clear from the off. I loved this pastry unconditionally the first time I had it, but now, since the pastry overhaul, I am yet to see it and so this paragraph acts as a tribute to lost greatness. It is, of course, the walnut swirl, champion of pastries, the undisputed winner. It combines so much of what I love about pastry: sugar, butter, and that satisfying tear into one, perfectly formed morsel. The walnut swirl is fun, it is tasty, and it is pure.

I love the walnut swirl, please Estratto, bring it back.